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THE GREAT HOMO SAPIEN RECALL

By Jerry Grant

This is all about getting ready for what's coming...
There are some big time changes that are about to happen.  I suggest you put down the comic book and pay attention.

Rumor has it that God is expected to have a huge MAJOR HOMO SAPIEN RECALL of all of us here on Planet Earth.  You see, he forgot to install terminators...which protect our eyes and brains from television garbage overload.  Terminators will drop our eyelids into shut position to protect us from serious permanent brain damage until the program is over.  He also has to fix our Sensory System, so we will know when a scam is coming at us with great consequence.  We obviously need new circuitry and an EXTRA eighth sense to set off a loud blasting alarm when we are about to be scammed.  Now, somewhere on some part of our body, we are getting a SCANNER and a FILTER.

Let's start with the SCANNER first...

The SCANNER will read insurance policies and car lease small print sentences that will prevent us from getting tied up in perennial payments for something we never ordered in the first place.  The Filter Correction Mode is a wonderful system that would be installed in our earlobes and can deflect any and all political speeches so that finally we would all be B...S... free for the rest of our natural lives.

He has to adjust or replace our Odor Loader so that when we are about to get mugged, the Odor Loader will release and sap the mugger with an unbearable stream of ODOR-STENCH which asphyxiates the mugger in a prone position for 60 minutes 'till the police arrive.  This one you'll love...We are going to get a wonderful high tech piece of work.  It's called a Mumbo Jumbo Descrambler.  You will be able to tell when a lawyer is becoming your partner or your beneficiary in any and all settlements that you may have to be involved in.

Then of course, there is the 'safe sex' Memory Transmission.  This device will enable you to know what your dating partner is thinking long before your date actually arrives.

ADDITIONAL SPARE PARTS YOU WILL BE RECEIVING:

            1.   VOICE ACTIVATOR - If someone swears at you, you will immediately
                    discharge a few choice words.
                2.   JERK JAM - Stops you from continuing to do too many stupid things.
              3.   DISCONNECT - Helps you with your hang-ups.
              4.   REGURGITATOR - Helps to control your voracious appetite.
              5.   THE S VALVE - Shoots off steam when you're on stress excess.

Finally, when you are transplanted back to earth...you will no longer have to make a fool of yourself...as you will be on Automatic Pest Control!

TERROR AT LARGE