WELCOME ABOARD

The " No Frills" SUPER SAVER SUPER CRUISE

SATIRE NITE LIVE by jerry grant

Monday: Departure for Aruba Tar Pits at 8:00 a.m. or as soon as the leak is fixed.  Open sitting breakfast served in both restaurants by both waiters. Early Bird coffee served on Promenade Deck.  Bring a mop.

All visitors not sailing with the vessel are required to disembark from the gangway submerged at lower deck..

10:00 a.m.: Seasick call.

Ship’s Position: Belligerent.

Bon Voyage music on the loudspeakers for those who are swimming ashore.

Tuesday: Today’s activities and problems.

Breakfast leftovers at main sitting…our final sitting at 9:30 p.m. (Good riddance to all “final sitters”).

For dining room reservations: call 1-800 -LUMS.

Reservations can also be made with another ship.

Deck chairs are not allowed in dining room.

Alcoholic drinks for alcoholics only.

See Captain for Dramamine pills…he’s loaded.

Ladies wet T-shirt contest… (just stand near railing on bow of ship).

Long jump tournament: We’ve lost some of our best passengers overboard - remember winning isn’t everything!

There is plenty of gambling on the ship - but the odds are we’ll make it.

Dancing in our “under construction” disco. Complaints about the music are no longer appreciated by the management.

8:00 p.m.: Candlelight dinner - all the candles you can eat!

Wednesday: Arrival for repairs.

Introduction to cruise and cruise staff (to each other).

A visit to the bridge…and back to the ship.

9:00 a.m. America’s Funniest Ship Movies- see yourself making a fool of yourself on the large screen.

Horse Races…you race the horse on upper deck.

Bingo…we hit something!

Today’s lunch has been canceled due to rough seas.

Bridge Tournament: Open wide.

We hit land soon…hold on to the railings.

Shopping information: You can bargain with the natives  - until  they go for their machetes.

Thursday: Hot dogs served. General muster for all passengers…general ketchup for crew.

Italian language lesson: Hand signals today.

White elephant sale…bring lots of peanuts.

Fitness class: Where you get to throw a fit!

Dancing in the Puddle Lounge to the music of  Peter Pickle and his Polka Pack. They take requests. 

Keep them civil.

11:00 a.m. Slide Show…Sliding on the wet decks is not covered by Blue Cross.

Travel talk: “Hi - Where you going?”

Shore excursions…(up to waist only).

Departure: Thursday evening. For nearest lighthouse.

Special  ship services: Medical office on Moby Deck. (Must bring proof that you are sick).

Cold showers in cabin - (open portholes carefully).

Group Therapy…Limited seating.

Costume Party…Last week’s winner wore a life jacket.

Ladies night…followed by ladies morning.

Late show  in Steady As You Go Lounge on deck…sorry our trampoline act is missing.

Dress Casual…we’re in no hurry.

Midnight Buffet…stomach pumps are in the Rumpus Pumpus Room.                         

Program subject to last minute calamities.

Friday: Saturday: Sunday:  Arrivals in separate tenders.                                                           

Thanks for cruising the “No Frills” with all the “Thrills” cruise ship…